what the?

two and a half weeks… up down and roundabout. wires crossed,
miscommunication, exploration and overall bull shit. what do people want?
what do i want? what do people want when they start "dating" or "seeing
someone"? do they just want the sex? do they want to share some of their
time, their aloneness, experience some intimacy? have someone to do stuff
with? have someone to share some of life's pleasures? if you're not the one
and you're not putting out, then there's no point really?

i don't get this whole dating thing.

you're not going to love or fall in love with many people during a
lifetime… so what do you do in the in-between times… the in-between
great loves? for instance, if you get past the first date, do you state what
it is you want in the beginning? 'i'm not looking for a 'relationship',
you're probably not the one for me, you're attractive to some degree and i'd
like to f__k now and then, i don't really want to do other everyday social
stuff with you, i have friends for that part of my life, i don't want to be
emotionally involved… i just want a f__k buddy.' in that case, can you
see more than one person at a time?

say, you're not really into seeing more than one person at a time, you find
it hard giving bits of yourself as it is. how does one find the comfortable
balance for / with an in-between person?

perhaps there isn't such a thing or maybe it can only exist if both parties
are in similar situations, similar circumstances and understand each other's
needs that need to be fulfilled… such as having affection, having someone
to hold at night, looking forward to seeing someone, having someone to do
things with, go out with, just share some of life's moments with or just
something simple like someone to sit on the couch and watch a movie with.
and even though you will spend quality time with one another, when the time
comes to part… it won't feel like your heart is breaking again, because
you both know what it was and enjoyed it for what it was.

you may be able to tell that im struggling a bit with this… i have fallen
in love honestly only twice in my life. i have liked, loved and cared for
others. i still like love and care… not passionately, but definitely
sincerely.

these encounters are probably important… to confirm… to realise what it
is, who it is and hopefully to be able to recognise 'the right' person when
they do come into your life's path.

otherwise, what the hell is the point of it all really

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